The Art of Embezzlement- A Short Guide to the Portuguese Political Scene

Now that there is so much talking about Portugal and its economical challenges, I have many people asking me about the political scene in the country. Since we are few days away from the election, I decided to write “The Art of Embezzlement- A Short Guide to the Portuguese Political Scene“, in order to shed some light on the matter.

Politics in Portugal is not far from an episode of “The Sopranos”- there are two big families which control most of the country, and exploit every field of activity, sacking beyond one's imagination. These families suffer from lack of creativity, and instead of making use of well sounding Italian names, they decided to call themselves Socialists and Social Democrats, even though none of its constituents practices any value which might be remotely related to these two philosophies. Both have very exquisite criterias when it comes to accepting new members- each candidate is subjected to a rigorous selection process, and only the most corrupted, dumb and unethical get accepted.

Although in theory the control shifts between them every half a dozen years, in something which in a humorous tone is called election, the most attentive observer will easily conclude that they thoroughly share power, working in a balanced ecosystem of equally shared exploitation. They are nothing more than one big family, divided in two parts, aiming and succeeding to swindle the people, inducing them to believe that changing from one to the other might bring them something good.

Like a typical mafia structure, they are divided in boss, underboss, consigliere, capos and soldiers, which around there is formally designated as Prime Minister, Minister and Mayors. The common people are well aware of such reality, but they do not worry much about it, why should one care when there are other much more relevant matters like football or soup operas. Too many years of dictatorship made them soft and resigned to the idea that mediocrity is their faith.

There are three other families, which aspire to control the country and to rip the people even more. Once more, all invariably suffer from lack of imagination when it comes to names.

Christian Democrats are quite skilled in the naval industry, they recently became popular by blessing the people with the purchase of few useless submarines for a humble amount which could probably pay a big part of the Portuguese, Greek and Irish debts.

Other of these families are the so called Communists, which are characterized by a peculiar skill- all members are frozen in time, and live around 1917. If one day we achieve time traveling we can send them back, our ancestors will be most thankful. When it comes to the present, this group of individuals are close to useless, being their only use the ability to summon strikes on Mondays and Fridays, providing the people with the very desirable long weekends.

Last but not least we have the Trotskists, good old timer criminals, which base their “modus operandi” in promoting anarchy. With these guys anything goes, as long as it can bring them some additional power.

Portuguese people are affable and they know how to work well and be productive. One day they will wake up from this nightmare, and will put the country in the right track. Till then, just be patient with us ;-)